Why Are You Asking Me This?

Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

“A question can be an invitation, a request or a missile.” Marilee Adams

Questions are everywhere. Many are in our minds, unspoken, milliseconds before we act.
For example: ’What’s the weather like today?’ may lead us to pick up that cuddly sweater or to choose that short-sleeved t-shirt.

Other questions are buried further away from our consciousness and lead our body to respond on autopilot.
‘Where will the criticism come from?’ may blitz through our mind just seconds before we tense on our way into a challenging meeting.

Questions, spoken or written, can be the key that opens doors. They can lead to information and clarity.

Similarly, questions can express concern and interest. They can start beautiful relationships and yet, they can just as easily destroy them.

The difference is in whether we ‘ask’ questions or ‘use’ them.

When we ASK questions, we operate from a mindset of curiosity and interest, of wanting to relate, grow and learn.

When we USE questions, we come more from a fixed mindset, seeking confirmation and justification for the judgment we have already made.

ASKING questions is a highly relational practice!

When we ask questions, we demonstrate the willingness to consider other viewpoints, and our interest in others’ experiences and thinking. We show that we wish to be in connection with them, rather than in ‘combat’.

When we ask questions (as opposed to using them), it matters less whether the question is open or closed.

What is more important is the quality of the question, the energy behind it, and our intention with it.

• A genuine question is one to which the answer is unknown.

• Curiosity is the driver of open-minded questions.

• Questions are first, then come answers.

• Questions have more power than answers, both in thinking and communicating.

• Great results begin with great questions.

• Every question missed is a potential crisis waiting to happen.

• Successful strategic thinking, information gathering, communication, collaboration, creativity, and change depend on the quantity, quality, and intention of questions.

• Asking questions of oneself and others is the best defense against assumptions and blind spots that can compromise relationships and results.

• Asking others constructive, quality questions brings out their best thinking, quality partnerships, action, and results.

Never USE a question when your aim is to create and maintain collaborative relationships.

Just ASK — and LISTEN